Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
