i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
be right there i have to get my cape
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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