we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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