is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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