About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
