he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
