Her vagina should come with caution tape.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
