Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
