omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
