Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
