i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
