So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
