Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
