i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My life is pants optional.
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