her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
