Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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