Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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