Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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