I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
