I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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