and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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