She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
