He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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