Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
