my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
