alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
