I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
