Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
