I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
