I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
