Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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