The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
