is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
