If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
