all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
