Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
