I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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