Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
