***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
