i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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