could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
