i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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