sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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