I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
