This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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