I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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