he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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