she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize