her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
