??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
