is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
