Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
