So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
