I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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