her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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