Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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