I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
two words: eviction party
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize