Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
