i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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