I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
