All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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