Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
