Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
