So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
