i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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